I hate to say it, but the dating aspect of my blog has come to a close. I know I said in my last post that I was seeing someone that I really liked, and we just had that monogamous conversation talk the other night over the best and most thoughtful date I've ever had in my life. This goes to say that I still will write about interesting dating issues, but maybe I'll start using stories from my friends or I don't even know at the time being, but I promise I will keep you all entertained. I can really get creative sometimes, so I'm really not too worried. I've had a numerous amount of people tell me that they will be upset that I won't have any more dating stories to post, but who's to say I'm not going to wake up one day and elope with this guy? That could be an interesting story, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself too much ;) Plus, I did tell him about this blog of mine...
Regardless of the fact that I need to write a closing blog of my dating life, (I mean this was supposed to be a menswear blog) I really need to write about chivalry before I do so. What exactly is chivalry in this day and age? Is it opening car doors? Paying for your drunken meal at The Grilled Cheese Factory after you took eight shots each on his tab at a dive bar? Is it having him fill your tires with air because you don't understand anything about cars? Is it having him notarize your teacher certificate paperwork? Is it buying you your favorite flowers? (Side note- I can proudly say all of those have happened to me, hence the detailed descriptions.) Whatever chivalry is it you, it really depends on your standards and how much moral respect you have for yourself. (This is a blog, I am entitled to my own opinion, so hear me out) Anyone could think paying for a drunken meal at The Grilled Cheese Factory $13 later is just fan-fucking-tastic or maybe your idea of chivalry is someone who spends $275 at a five star restaurant in New York City; to me chivalry is really something that is an act that has meaning to (that particular person), that no money value can ever attain. I want someone to listen to what I have to say, I want someone to go out of their way for me, I want my partner to respect me as much as I respect him, I want it all; I mean who doesn't? After all, isn't the point of dating to find your best friend? With sexual chemistry of course... Isn't the most healthy relationship start with a friendship? We all have our different opinions on this one, but I really find that chivalry is just something a guy has or he doesn't, most of the time your parents raise you with this set of core values.
All my life I've dated guys that I liked, but I've really I've had some little doubt in my mind about, yet always ignored. I don't want to come off as being passive aggressive, I'm just being honest, it is what it is and now where I am in my life, I'm fully aware of it. Maybe I just wasn't ready to find "the one" just yet while dating in the past. I had fun in my last relationships, but there comes a time in a place where you need to look for a baby daddy/husband and not just someone who's fun to get drunk and have sex with. I had a great time on Match.com, and I would seriously recommend it to anyone; I really had an insanely good time after being on it for two and a half months, even with the drama. I just was finally getting to a point that I was over it, I was over the dating scene, and trying to remember everything that every guy I went on a date with said to me so I didn't seem rude. (Like I said, I never made it to making flashcards of every one of the guys.) It honestly just got too hard and too overwhelming, and dating really shouldn't be like that. Then, I met a game changer; someone that actually stood out to me in more ways than one. I know I'm young, I'm only 24, but when you meet someone that actually makes your heart skip a beat, you got to just go with the flow. I don't think there's a time in your life that's "ideal" to be married or pregnant or all those other fun things, especially when Mr. or Mrs. Right come along; When it happens, it happens. If I get married tomorrow, as my darling would ironically say, "YOLO." (For all you old people on here- You Only Live Once.) It's really just so true even though that phrase is just miserable!
So, the other night I went on a date that's truly one for the books, at least in my dating history. I feel the need to express this because it's just was that awesome and thoughtful and every girl should have a guy out there that treats them like a princess. I hate when guys think that concept is stupid (girls thinking they need to be treated like a princess), I mean after all, you're supposed to be doing most of the wooing, even in today's modern society. Every girl should have a guy that treats them like gold, or every guy should have another guy that treats them like gold; it's whatever tickles your fancy. Everyone in this world deserves respect. So, anyways, this date... I knew about it for a week, but he never told me what we were doing, it was my first surprise date ever, and I was scared...
6:00 PM- He picks me up at work, he comes into my store with one single flower from a hydrangea. (points to this guy, he knows how to listen when I speak) He says in the cutest and dorky-est way ever, "I didn't want to be cheesy and bring you a whole thing of flowers." I love it, I don't usually love cheesy and typical, too cliché for my liking. I could tell he's extremely nervous by the little stutter in his insanely sexy Polish accent. It's cute, I blush, my heart flutters whenever he speaks; I mean I am your stereotypical born and raised New Jersey white chick, accents are like once and a blue moon thing for me. I go and I get changed out of my uniform and my coworkers entertain him/I told them to feel him out for me. (I'm so kind, I know, sorry my dear.) So, all is good, I'm all dressed and ready to go in one of my absolute favorite dresses- a white with black polka dot dress and bright pink shoes; I had this outfit planned out ever since he told me we would be going on a surprise date, and I knew I had to wear it, especially when he said he loved a woman in polka dots.(So fem and chic)
6:30 PM- Anyways, back on track... So, we get to his car and he's still nervous while he plugs the destination into his GPS; he drops his phone several times, but I like nothing ever happened, he has complete composure... He also greeted me with a hydrangea in a bottle of Poland Spring, and I wouldn't have it any other way. At this point in time, the only thing I knew about the date is as follows:
1. I wasn't allowed to wear heels.
2. I had to be comfortable.
3. He needed to bring a car with a bigger backseat... (Get your mind out of the gutter.)
4. I wasn't going to be home before midnight... (Again, get your mind out of the gutter.)
5. People now a days don't really do this anymore, he's an old soul, just like yours truly.
6. It's a fifth date, and he says he won't bring me to the woods and kill me; good to know.
7. We are going somewhere to pick something up and then we are going somewhere for the final destination.
So, he informs me that we have an hour drive. An hour drive... Where is he taking me? What the hell are we doing? Guesses people?
7:30 PM- We arrive at a strip mall. Hmm... I see a pizza place, I love pizza more than anything in the world, hopefully he remembers, it is Friday and I do have pizza every Friday. (True, but not true on the favorite thing in the world part... I'll let you take that as you want.) So, he says he did a lot of research and this is one of the best pizza places in New York. New York you say... Yeah, I was in Warwick, NY which was basically like the sticks, still had no idea what we were doing. Maybe a pizza eating contest?
8:15 PM- We pick up the two (yes, two pies of pizza. I told him I could eat a pie by myself in one sitting and ironically enough, he's the pizza eating champion of his town. After the told me that, I knew our meeting was fate.) pies of pizza and we head to our next destination.
8:30 PM- We arrive at Warwick Drive in movie theatres. Root beer- my fav, wine- my fav, plastic wine glasses (classy like that), and bug spray- because bugs terrify me, pillows, blankets, etc... Nothing short of thoughtful just to make a lady feel comfortable.
1 AM?- We drive to Pennsylvania to look at the stars in his favorite spot on the east coast.
I'll just leave it at I didn't get back to wee hours of the morning, but he was a complete gentleman and all. Every girl should be treated in such a thoughtful manner; I mean the guy planned out thirteen other dates before he thought of this one...
So what should be expected when it comes to a first date? I say first date because technically it was our "first date." Long story short, before this, we only visited each other on each others lunch hours, so it was a fake first date. I can't bore you too much with my personal life... So, when push comes to shove, what do you prefer? I could tell you this, 9 out of 10 women are totally with my thoughts on the surprise date idea; every lady is a sucker for a romantic guy. So if you're a guy, what will you plan for your next first date? All I ask is that you be original; I mean if you're looking for something serious, you're bound to get a second date after you take a girl on a date that is extremely well thought out, just like stated above. Like I said, it doesn't matter to most girls how much you spend, (the world is full of divas.) to most it really matters on how much you actually planned the date around that girl that you're going out with; what does she like? what are her favorite things in the world and how many of those favorite things can you fit into one date? With that, that's my definition of chivalry. Think of the girl you're seeing and what she likes and dislikes on your next first date if you want to keep her around, don't do your typical dinner date, think outside of the box and I promise you'll get some extra kisses for it.
xox C
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
How do you break up with someone you're not dating?
As per popular demand, here's my thoughts on how to break up with someone you're not dating.
Lately, I've been enjoying the single life and meeting an absurd amount of guys each week; I'd probably say for the last two and a half months I've been going out on four different dates a week. That's a lot, I know, but I'm young and I've never done this before, so why not. I've met some interesting guys, found out a lot about myself, had some good meals, had some really awkward meals, almost left in the middle of a date, I've had some interesting nights. It's not like I've slept with any of them, that's just not who I am. When I think about it, only three of them I have been on second dates with. It's been fun, it's been real, until this one guy kinda stopped my in my tracks; I must say I'm a little smitten. So, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I've been realizing that I should slowly start cutting off the other dates I had planned, and really just focus on one guy, just to get back into the monogamous mindset even though we haven't had that conversation just yet. But, maybe we kinda did... Did we? Like I said, this whole dating around thing isn't me anyways. Oddly enough, I actually considered writing flashcards for each guy that I was dating just so I didn't sound like a jerk on a date and called him by his wrong name. I asked my mom about the flashcard concept, and she actually said it was a smart idea, that it was a really organized of me to do that and didn't judge me at all. (Unfortunately, I never got to flashcards because of a certain someone...) So, basically, the point of this blog is to really think about how to remove someone you're kinda seeing out of your life to make room for someone you actually really like; I really want to do it in the nicest way possible. I don't want to use the, "it's not you it's me excuse," but I really got to get to brainstorming if I don't want to be an asshole. But, who really cares if I'm an asshole? I'm never going to see these guys ever again. Whatever, regardless of me being the kind soul (only at times) that I am, I need to think of something that's not going to make me go to hell and not going to make this guy jump off a bridge. As you've noticed, I'm kind of a list person, so here's my thoughts a little all over the place.
List of possible ideas on how to break up with someone you're not dating:
1. You can just not answer any of their calls or texts. Hypothetically, this idea sounds great, and I've actually really started using it with a couple of guys that I never met face to face. I got this idea from when I first started Match.com. I was talking to this guy, things were going great, we planned a date, and then when the day came I called him and he never answered. So, I waited... and waited... and couple hours later I just said something like, "Hey, looks like we aren't hanging out, hit me up whenever you want to meet up." Said dude never answered, and I was a heartbroken for a couple days, it is what it is; I probably was only upset because it was the first person I talked to on Match. There actually was another time when I met someone that I thought was going to be my next boyfriend; seriously, he seemed to be exactly what I wanted. We had a great first date, went through two bottles of wine (Little hypocritical as per a prior blog post- there are always expections), he kissed me goodnight, called me for a couple days after, and then never answered my calls. I was so angry that I called him out on it and said something like, "I never expected this of you, this is so dick of you" (went a little bitchmode) and he actually apologized saying something like, "one day you'll (aka me) find someone great because I deserve it.. yadda, yadda..." Still never found out what happened with him, but I don't give a shit anymore, his loss. After these two scenarios, I really don't think I can do that to someone I went on a couple dates with.
And so, I keep thinking... I really only have to "break up" with one guy. What to do...
2. I can meet up with him for coffee/drinks and break the news. This all sounds great, but I really don't owe him anything after five dates; wait, do I? We never had a conversation about our future, probably because I never saw a future with him, he was just nice and a time filler, and I figured he was so genuine that he deserved my time. When is there a point in time that you "owe" someone something? I don't really want to see him again because I know he's not for me, but he's not a mean guy...
Side note, I think in order for you to fully understand this dilemma I'm going through, I think I need to explain this guy to you. This guy, let's call him Daniel, and he is overall a really sweet guy.
Cons with Daniel:
1. He doesn't look me in the eyes when we talk; huge, huge pet peeve.
2. He's really shy, and I'm not at all.
3. He's extremely cheap from what I can grasp.
4. He likes only dive bars.
5. I know I'm sheltered, but he's like SHELTERD.
6. It sounds like he's never had a real girlfriend at the age of 26.
7. He doesn't have the type of motivation I'm really seeking in a significant other.
8. He's not my typical type.
Pros:
1. He's legitimately a sweet guy, he would never be a dick to me.
2. He's funny when he let's his guard down.
3. He can keep up with my sass
4. I can't think of anything anymore; why didn't I do this earlier?
From our first date I could tell he wasn't the one; is that bad? Should have stopped seeing him after that? But, he was so nice and so safe I kept giving him second chances in hopes that I would like him more, but I just don't. But now I actually found someone that I like, and I really should just cut him off before I get his hopes up or he thinks we are dating... I mean, I did meet his sisters on our second date... Alright, help me out here people...
3. I can just text him and tell him the truth. Who doesn't like the truth? I feel like everyone out there deserves the truth, so this has to be the answer. "Hey Daniel, you're a nice guy, but I started seeing someone else and uh good luck! Don't jump off a bridge! You're a nice guy, just not for me!" I could say it awkwardly like that, or I can think of something more creative. Short and sweet is really the way to go in scenarios such as this.
I think option three is the way to go. Are there rules with this kind of thing? Do you have to be nice to someone when situations like this happen? I guess on how you end things really is a judge of character. Eh, I've been broken up with in via text message, (fuck you, cop outs ;) so it is what it is. Wish me luck. Perhaps I'll post results...
xox C
Lately, I've been enjoying the single life and meeting an absurd amount of guys each week; I'd probably say for the last two and a half months I've been going out on four different dates a week. That's a lot, I know, but I'm young and I've never done this before, so why not. I've met some interesting guys, found out a lot about myself, had some good meals, had some really awkward meals, almost left in the middle of a date, I've had some interesting nights. It's not like I've slept with any of them, that's just not who I am. When I think about it, only three of them I have been on second dates with. It's been fun, it's been real, until this one guy kinda stopped my in my tracks; I must say I'm a little smitten. So, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I've been realizing that I should slowly start cutting off the other dates I had planned, and really just focus on one guy, just to get back into the monogamous mindset even though we haven't had that conversation just yet. But, maybe we kinda did... Did we? Like I said, this whole dating around thing isn't me anyways. Oddly enough, I actually considered writing flashcards for each guy that I was dating just so I didn't sound like a jerk on a date and called him by his wrong name. I asked my mom about the flashcard concept, and she actually said it was a smart idea, that it was a really organized of me to do that and didn't judge me at all. (Unfortunately, I never got to flashcards because of a certain someone...) So, basically, the point of this blog is to really think about how to remove someone you're kinda seeing out of your life to make room for someone you actually really like; I really want to do it in the nicest way possible. I don't want to use the, "it's not you it's me excuse," but I really got to get to brainstorming if I don't want to be an asshole. But, who really cares if I'm an asshole? I'm never going to see these guys ever again. Whatever, regardless of me being the kind soul (only at times) that I am, I need to think of something that's not going to make me go to hell and not going to make this guy jump off a bridge. As you've noticed, I'm kind of a list person, so here's my thoughts a little all over the place.
List of possible ideas on how to break up with someone you're not dating:
1. You can just not answer any of their calls or texts. Hypothetically, this idea sounds great, and I've actually really started using it with a couple of guys that I never met face to face. I got this idea from when I first started Match.com. I was talking to this guy, things were going great, we planned a date, and then when the day came I called him and he never answered. So, I waited... and waited... and couple hours later I just said something like, "Hey, looks like we aren't hanging out, hit me up whenever you want to meet up." Said dude never answered, and I was a heartbroken for a couple days, it is what it is; I probably was only upset because it was the first person I talked to on Match. There actually was another time when I met someone that I thought was going to be my next boyfriend; seriously, he seemed to be exactly what I wanted. We had a great first date, went through two bottles of wine (Little hypocritical as per a prior blog post- there are always expections), he kissed me goodnight, called me for a couple days after, and then never answered my calls. I was so angry that I called him out on it and said something like, "I never expected this of you, this is so dick of you" (went a little bitchmode) and he actually apologized saying something like, "one day you'll (aka me) find someone great because I deserve it.. yadda, yadda..." Still never found out what happened with him, but I don't give a shit anymore, his loss. After these two scenarios, I really don't think I can do that to someone I went on a couple dates with.
And so, I keep thinking... I really only have to "break up" with one guy. What to do...
2. I can meet up with him for coffee/drinks and break the news. This all sounds great, but I really don't owe him anything after five dates; wait, do I? We never had a conversation about our future, probably because I never saw a future with him, he was just nice and a time filler, and I figured he was so genuine that he deserved my time. When is there a point in time that you "owe" someone something? I don't really want to see him again because I know he's not for me, but he's not a mean guy...
Side note, I think in order for you to fully understand this dilemma I'm going through, I think I need to explain this guy to you. This guy, let's call him Daniel, and he is overall a really sweet guy.
Cons with Daniel:
1. He doesn't look me in the eyes when we talk; huge, huge pet peeve.
2. He's really shy, and I'm not at all.
3. He's extremely cheap from what I can grasp.
4. He likes only dive bars.
5. I know I'm sheltered, but he's like SHELTERD.
6. It sounds like he's never had a real girlfriend at the age of 26.
7. He doesn't have the type of motivation I'm really seeking in a significant other.
8. He's not my typical type.
Pros:
1. He's legitimately a sweet guy, he would never be a dick to me.
2. He's funny when he let's his guard down.
3. He can keep up with my sass
4. I can't think of anything anymore; why didn't I do this earlier?
From our first date I could tell he wasn't the one; is that bad? Should have stopped seeing him after that? But, he was so nice and so safe I kept giving him second chances in hopes that I would like him more, but I just don't. But now I actually found someone that I like, and I really should just cut him off before I get his hopes up or he thinks we are dating... I mean, I did meet his sisters on our second date... Alright, help me out here people...
3. I can just text him and tell him the truth. Who doesn't like the truth? I feel like everyone out there deserves the truth, so this has to be the answer. "Hey Daniel, you're a nice guy, but I started seeing someone else and uh good luck! Don't jump off a bridge! You're a nice guy, just not for me!" I could say it awkwardly like that, or I can think of something more creative. Short and sweet is really the way to go in scenarios such as this.
I think option three is the way to go. Are there rules with this kind of thing? Do you have to be nice to someone when situations like this happen? I guess on how you end things really is a judge of character. Eh, I've been broken up with in via text message, (fuck you, cop outs ;) so it is what it is. Wish me luck. Perhaps I'll post results...
xox C
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Is it okay to Google someone you're talking to?
I've really been debating if this was a post I should write, but I've really decided that I had to. When I think about it, it's something I'm passionate about, and so I should be able to write a blog about it. In no way shape or form am I trying to be disrespectful to the guy that I was talking to, I just don't agree with what he was doing and his approach to courting me and I feel the need for others to hear about it.
As I've stated prior, I'm a little old fashioned compared to a lot of people my age; I like hand written thank you notes, hardcover books over Kindles, I really enjoy the beauty behind words, which is probably the reason why I'm an English Major. I must admit that I am an avid texter, (although, not as much as my brothers!) but that doesn't mean that I don't love to have a phone conversation for hours with friends or someone that I'm getting to know. So, when I was talking to a guy and he said he Googled me and found my Twitter, Blog, etc. I got a little taken back and worried. Why did this guy feel the need to look me up using the Internet and not just ask me questions himself? I understand with modern technologly all around us, there's really no boundaries on what you can find out about a person through the internet. I just really think doing something such as Googling someone you're courting or dating is crossing a boundary; regardless of the fact that I have absolutely nothing to hide, I just felt violated in such a sense.
Let's call Mr. Google Steve. I met Steve off of Match, no more Tinder ever again. He was from Philadelphia, and part of me was always very hesistant about pursing anything because my last relationship was long distance and he lived right outside of Philadelphia as well; I really don't think I'm willing to make a commitment to another long distance relationship, I want something that's a little easier. So, because he was so funny and cute, I was willing to give him the time of day regardless that he was 100 miles away. We talked for weeks and apparently I cancelled on him two times in the period of a month and a half of knowing each other. (I don't even remember consenting to dates) So, last weekend we had a final date opportunity (final date opportunity in his eyes), but my schedule was just so off because of work. I was working way overtime because we were understaffed, and I was putting in 14 hour days (I would do that if I was teaching, but this is retail, and I don't get paid that well to be there for that long ;) Anyways, I told Steve that I might be free on Saturday, but I really wasn't too sure because of how my schedule was looking the past couple of days.
So, Saturday rolls around, I worked all day, and had to bail on Steve again. You do what you gotta do on commission; sorry, but making enough money to pay off my student loans is more of a priorty than going on a date with anyone, sorry for being too logical. So Steve got a little mad...
After reading this, I can't tell if I'm the bigger bitch or not. He was a nice guy, total gentleman, but like I said before, I just wasn't having it with the distance and my history with long distance relationships. So, I didn't answer him for a while...
After seeing this, I really felt heartbroken for a short period of time; Is writing my blog wrong? Am I being a mean person? I mean I really try and keep the identity of these guys private, so I really didn't care what he was saying. The purpose of the blog is for laugher, and maybe some people will learn a couple dating do's and don'ts. It's not meant to be malicious at all. Then things started to get a little fucking weird and I didn't feel guilty at all...
I don't even know you Steve, so how is that even possible? I'm sorry, but I'm also talking to other people, it's the name of the game. As soon as I joined Match, my brother made it really clear to me that I should do that and expect that being done to me. You can go on dates and date as many people as you want until you have that next step conversation; I'm sorry, but I don't think of anyone when I go to sleep, maybe just my cat, but that's it.
I looked back, it was three weeks ago that I had something about my blog on Twitter. He really looked through my tweets, because I tweet a lot... Then, here's where I started to get a little heated...
I'm still honestly so torn on what to say about the entire scenario, but actually not really at all. I felt him being genuine behind this all, but why would you admit to Googling me? That's just fucking weird! If I'm being totally honest with myself, I will openly tell you that I'm dating a guy and numerous people have asked me to see a picture of him, but I don't have one. So, one day, I found him on Facebook and showed my girlfriend. I could have just pulled up his Match profile, but it tells him that I was just looking at him, and I wanted to avoid that after how many other times I've looked at his profile. Other than that, Googling someone hasn't crossed my mind; and that's probably because of the fact that I've always dated guys from college, and I just didn't need to. Or maybe I trust too many people and that's just why I've gotten so burnt in the past... Is Googling something that I should be doing? What if you do this and find something you don't like about the person? How would you even begin that conversation? I guess I really think about it in a different perspective, but I really just don't want to.
As stated before, I just think of it in a sense of being violated; why did he feel the need to do this? Did he think I had something to hide? What I do on my own time, is what I want to do. Not to even mention the fact that we haven't even met... If he had any questions, I'd be willing to answer! I did tell him that I was a blogger and I wrote about menswear and dating advice, but he said nothing else, didn't ask any questions. With all the technology today, I really and truly feel like the art of conservation is failing; why is this? What is going to happen in the future? Will we not even know how to have a conversation? Will we only be able to communicate via text message and email? I truly fear for future generations and for my children, perhaps this is also the reason why I'm getting back into teaching English. I want to make sure children still know how to write without spell check, I want people to understand how important it is to write thank you notes, and people need to know how you should properly follow up after an interview. There are so many important life skills that start with knowing how to properly converse with another person, and so many future adults lack this skill already because of subbing in person conversation with technology. If I could help my students out one at a time, I'd be fine with that just to touch a couple souls and hopefully he/she passes that on to their friends and their children. I just want someone to get to know me by talking to me and not stalking me on my Facebook or the internet; is that too much to ask in a modern day society with all these resources around us?
Let me know your thoughts.
xox C
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The lovely world of Tinder - Part II
Hello! Good evening. I forewarned you on the last post that I'll be going on a little bit of a rant, so I really feel like it deserved it's own blog.
5. So I told you that I met one guy on Tinder. This guy, I'll call him Chris, seemed like boyfriend potential, can't lie about that one. We would talk a decent amount; he was a big family guy, had some fancy pants job in finance in NYC, played hockey, really made himself sound like a winner before even meeting him. The only con about Chris, was that he just got out of a relationship only four weeks ago, he did the breaking and so he said he was fine. I was away on vacation for a little while, so I had some time to talk to him before meeting up with him. So, as soon as I got back, I made plans to see what Chris was all about. We met at a sports bar in Madison, close to where I work. I get there and I didn't see him anywhere in sight; I wore neon so he could easily spot me, being the lady that I am. I start to text him and some 6'2 goon with his fathers blue oxford shirt and double pleat trousers came walking towards me; what the hell, this was him. Why would he wear his fathers shirt to a sports bar? If these were seriously his clothes that he wore to work, why didn't he change? He had plenty of time since he got off the train. (Side note- guys, having a good tailor is key to looking good. Fit is seriously insanely important, it can make cheap garments look good. I'll explain in another blog...) So, anyways, he comes over and gives me a big hug with some dark liquor that seems to be on the rocks. (Please don't spill on this dress, it's dry clean and brand new.) So, we find a table and sit down, and the fun begins...
I really just cringe whenever I replay this date in my mind. I was there for two hours and fifteen minutes; I had a beer and a half and he had five whiskey on the rocks. Five. Was he nervous? Was he an alcoholic? Was he trying to impress me of his drinking skills? There could be a million reasons why he did this, but whatever reason it was, it really didn't impress me at all. I say this because first dates are an impression on ones character, and what kind of impression was he trying to give me? I still can't figure it out, I really would love to get into his head.
Before I continue with this disaster date, I really had to speak to a couple of people to see if I was being a Puritan about this one. I simply posted a Facebook status asking others about how they thought would be an acceptable amount to drink on first date; I got a myriad of answers. These consisted of don't drink at all to let's get fucked up and find out what each other are really like because you can really find that out quickly after a couple of drinks. Where's a happy medium? I'm still a little unsure about how many drinks are acceptable, but what I do know after all of this, is that being shit hammered isn't exactly being a lady on the first date.
The vast majority of Chris and I's conversation was miserable. For the rest of my description of him, I'm just going to list short and sweet facts basically in the order of how the date went within the two hour and fifteen minute horror story date. I've really tried to block this all out of my mind, so this is the best I can do:
His name is Chris.
He's 26 and lives at home.
He asks for a second drink.
He was just in a relationship.
He thinks I'm so sexy.
He works in NYC.
He was a fuck up in college- he went to Univ. Vermont, County College, then F. Dickenson Univ.
He did a LOT of drugs in college.
He went into a really dark place in college.
He asks for another drink.
He had sex with "a lot" of girls in high school.
He said that guys used to want to fight him in the locker room in high school.
He thinks I'm really sexy.
He got with so many girls in high school.
He enjoys drinking.
He asks for another drink.
He thinks I'm smoking hot.
He thinks he's too smart for his job.
He hates his job.
He thinks I'm sexy.
He asks for another drink.
He met one other girl on Tinder- she was DTF. (down to fuck)
They took shots on their first date.
He has a minimum bar of standards before he sleeps with a girl. (Never found out what those were, maybe she just needed to be wearing shoes.)
He thinks I'm smoking hot.
He says he never slept with her.
He asks me one question about myself.
He compliments me in my dress.
He tells me to never cut my hair, ever for the sake of all men out there.
He asks for another drink.
He says he loves metal music.
He says he loves getting into mosh pits.
He makes fun of the fact that I like John Mayer.
He says he's going to take the guitar out of the live bands hand and just play metal for everyone since the current music sucks.
He's so good at playing guitar.
He asks me if I'd ever have a three sum. (Just in case you're wondering I told him no way WITHOUT slapping him right there in the middle of the bar.)
He says I don't look like the girl that would ever have a three sum.
He tells me if we were ever to have one, that he would want to see me enjoying it.
He says how hot I am.
He asks me a third question. (question two was the three sum.)
I tell him he has to go home because it's late.
He says he will "hate me forever" because I kept him out so late.
He makes fun of me for not finishing my beer.
So, the end of the date comes around and he offers to walk to me my car and I tell him no, but he does so anyways. He tries to put his hand around my waist the entire time to my car, and I awkwardly keep moving away so he keeps missing. When I get to my car, that awkward time at the end of the evening, he goes in for a kiss. Thank god I was a pro basketball player back in my day because my pump fake came in REAL handy right there to get out out that one. So, I got in my car and drove towards home and he stumbled back to his car with a case of crazy drunk eyes.
So, as soon as I get in my car, I see a text from another guy from Tinder telling me to come into Morristown because he's playing at a bar. I had such a bad date, that I said fuck it and decided to go...
In between the first two messages, I walked into the bar, and it was empty other than him and six other girls. Way to make a girl feel special, buddy.
...and then I really wasn't having it and let a little bitchy side out of me.
I guess all I really need to say about Stephen is that if you're going to be a player, get your game on straight, bro. As my good old friend from Jamaica (just think of the phrase with the accent) with a wife and girlfriend with two different phones says to me "play on playa..."
xox C
5. So I told you that I met one guy on Tinder. This guy, I'll call him Chris, seemed like boyfriend potential, can't lie about that one. We would talk a decent amount; he was a big family guy, had some fancy pants job in finance in NYC, played hockey, really made himself sound like a winner before even meeting him. The only con about Chris, was that he just got out of a relationship only four weeks ago, he did the breaking and so he said he was fine. I was away on vacation for a little while, so I had some time to talk to him before meeting up with him. So, as soon as I got back, I made plans to see what Chris was all about. We met at a sports bar in Madison, close to where I work. I get there and I didn't see him anywhere in sight; I wore neon so he could easily spot me, being the lady that I am. I start to text him and some 6'2 goon with his fathers blue oxford shirt and double pleat trousers came walking towards me; what the hell, this was him. Why would he wear his fathers shirt to a sports bar? If these were seriously his clothes that he wore to work, why didn't he change? He had plenty of time since he got off the train. (Side note- guys, having a good tailor is key to looking good. Fit is seriously insanely important, it can make cheap garments look good. I'll explain in another blog...) So, anyways, he comes over and gives me a big hug with some dark liquor that seems to be on the rocks. (Please don't spill on this dress, it's dry clean and brand new.) So, we find a table and sit down, and the fun begins...
I really just cringe whenever I replay this date in my mind. I was there for two hours and fifteen minutes; I had a beer and a half and he had five whiskey on the rocks. Five. Was he nervous? Was he an alcoholic? Was he trying to impress me of his drinking skills? There could be a million reasons why he did this, but whatever reason it was, it really didn't impress me at all. I say this because first dates are an impression on ones character, and what kind of impression was he trying to give me? I still can't figure it out, I really would love to get into his head.
Before I continue with this disaster date, I really had to speak to a couple of people to see if I was being a Puritan about this one. I simply posted a Facebook status asking others about how they thought would be an acceptable amount to drink on first date; I got a myriad of answers. These consisted of don't drink at all to let's get fucked up and find out what each other are really like because you can really find that out quickly after a couple of drinks. Where's a happy medium? I'm still a little unsure about how many drinks are acceptable, but what I do know after all of this, is that being shit hammered isn't exactly being a lady on the first date.
The vast majority of Chris and I's conversation was miserable. For the rest of my description of him, I'm just going to list short and sweet facts basically in the order of how the date went within the two hour and fifteen minute horror story date. I've really tried to block this all out of my mind, so this is the best I can do:
His name is Chris.
He's 26 and lives at home.
He asks for a second drink.
He was just in a relationship.
He thinks I'm so sexy.
He works in NYC.
He was a fuck up in college- he went to Univ. Vermont, County College, then F. Dickenson Univ.
He did a LOT of drugs in college.
He went into a really dark place in college.
He asks for another drink.
He had sex with "a lot" of girls in high school.
He said that guys used to want to fight him in the locker room in high school.
He thinks I'm really sexy.
He got with so many girls in high school.
He enjoys drinking.
He asks for another drink.
He thinks I'm smoking hot.
He thinks he's too smart for his job.
He hates his job.
He thinks I'm sexy.
He asks for another drink.
He met one other girl on Tinder- she was DTF. (down to fuck)
They took shots on their first date.
He has a minimum bar of standards before he sleeps with a girl. (Never found out what those were, maybe she just needed to be wearing shoes.)
He thinks I'm smoking hot.
He says he never slept with her.
He asks me one question about myself.
He compliments me in my dress.
He tells me to never cut my hair, ever for the sake of all men out there.
He asks for another drink.
He says he loves metal music.
He says he loves getting into mosh pits.
He makes fun of the fact that I like John Mayer.
He says he's going to take the guitar out of the live bands hand and just play metal for everyone since the current music sucks.
He's so good at playing guitar.
He asks me if I'd ever have a three sum. (Just in case you're wondering I told him no way WITHOUT slapping him right there in the middle of the bar.)
He says I don't look like the girl that would ever have a three sum.
He tells me if we were ever to have one, that he would want to see me enjoying it.
He says how hot I am.
He asks me a third question. (question two was the three sum.)
I tell him he has to go home because it's late.
He says he will "hate me forever" because I kept him out so late.
He makes fun of me for not finishing my beer.
So, the end of the date comes around and he offers to walk to me my car and I tell him no, but he does so anyways. He tries to put his hand around my waist the entire time to my car, and I awkwardly keep moving away so he keeps missing. When I get to my car, that awkward time at the end of the evening, he goes in for a kiss. Thank god I was a pro basketball player back in my day because my pump fake came in REAL handy right there to get out out that one. So, I got in my car and drove towards home and he stumbled back to his car with a case of crazy drunk eyes.
So, as soon as I get in my car, I see a text from another guy from Tinder telling me to come into Morristown because he's playing at a bar. I had such a bad date, that I said fuck it and decided to go...
6. Stephen
Stephen was one of the nice guys, seemed very down to Earth. I just got that good vibe from him without talking to him too too much. So, I got to Morristown and I had a little moment where I freaked out. What the fuck am I doing here? I'm alone and showing up to some guy I don't even knows concert. What if I hate him? What if he hates me? I don't even know how tall he is. (I'm 5'9 - I really can't do shorter, comfort thing.) What if he's a crazy guy? I should have talked to him more since my gut feeling was already off for the night. So, I decided to run to the ATM before I went into the bar; if I went to the ATM I would be able to pass the bar to see if people were actually in it, without going in before and embarrassing myself. So, I pass by, and some guy is indeed singing in a one man band there just as he told me. I go back to my car, just to take a deep breath because I really felt like I was doing something way too crazy for who I normally am and this happens:
Stephen was one of the nice guys, seemed very down to Earth. I just got that good vibe from him without talking to him too too much. So, I got to Morristown and I had a little moment where I freaked out. What the fuck am I doing here? I'm alone and showing up to some guy I don't even knows concert. What if I hate him? What if he hates me? I don't even know how tall he is. (I'm 5'9 - I really can't do shorter, comfort thing.) What if he's a crazy guy? I should have talked to him more since my gut feeling was already off for the night. So, I decided to run to the ATM before I went into the bar; if I went to the ATM I would be able to pass the bar to see if people were actually in it, without going in before and embarrassing myself. So, I pass by, and some guy is indeed singing in a one man band there just as he told me. I go back to my car, just to take a deep breath because I really felt like I was doing something way too crazy for who I normally am and this happens:
In between the first two messages, I walked into the bar, and it was empty other than him and six other girls. Way to make a girl feel special, buddy.
I guess all I really need to say about Stephen is that if you're going to be a player, get your game on straight, bro. As my good old friend from Jamaica (just think of the phrase with the accent) with a wife and girlfriend with two different phones says to me "play on playa..."
xox C
The lovely world of Tinder - Part I
This is the first blog post that I don't even know where to begin; this really has been one in the making.
So, for you all that do not know, Tinder is a dating application used on smartphones. The jist of the application is something like this: you have a maximum of four pictures, you can write a couple sentence biography underneath your photo, it's really a vain application (in my opinion), GPS locates where you are, and you're matched up with males or females in an age range of your choice. If you like someone's photos, you swipe your finger to the right and if you don't like someone's photos, you swipe to the left. When you do like someone and he/she likes you, you're "matched" and you're given an opportunity to message each other. It's a interesting program, don't get me wrong, but not so great people are on it.
When I say not so great people are on it, I say not the kinda people (for the most part- some of my great girlfriends are on it, and of course I'm on it.) you're going to bring home to mom and dad are on it. If you're looking to just hook up with someone, then you're on the right dating application. So, me looking for a relationship and not just a hook up, perhaps I should have steered clear from the application from the start. I have met one person from Tinder, and the experience was so bad that I would never use the application ever again. Let me give you seven solid scenarios, and perhaps you'll be able to hear me out and get a kick out of it.
Where to I begin? Which story is the worst? Most of them are just funny messages, I could only screen shot, so I'll just post screen shots with witty side comments. Apparently last time I did that, it was quite the hit. Please note the time of day for some of these messages.
1.
... Was this actually real life? I need to meet one of the girls that actually said yes.
2.
... I should have said something like sorry, I don't wash my hair because I don't have any and I'm going through chemotherapy. Something to make him feel like the compete asshole that he is.
3.
Too bad I don't need a green card.
4.
The next two are people that I actually met. Those are actually the more interesting ones, ones that raised a couple questions about the society that we live in today and would just be too long for one blog.
Until then
xox C
So, for you all that do not know, Tinder is a dating application used on smartphones. The jist of the application is something like this: you have a maximum of four pictures, you can write a couple sentence biography underneath your photo, it's really a vain application (in my opinion), GPS locates where you are, and you're matched up with males or females in an age range of your choice. If you like someone's photos, you swipe your finger to the right and if you don't like someone's photos, you swipe to the left. When you do like someone and he/she likes you, you're "matched" and you're given an opportunity to message each other. It's a interesting program, don't get me wrong, but not so great people are on it.
When I say not so great people are on it, I say not the kinda people (for the most part- some of my great girlfriends are on it, and of course I'm on it.) you're going to bring home to mom and dad are on it. If you're looking to just hook up with someone, then you're on the right dating application. So, me looking for a relationship and not just a hook up, perhaps I should have steered clear from the application from the start. I have met one person from Tinder, and the experience was so bad that I would never use the application ever again. Let me give you seven solid scenarios, and perhaps you'll be able to hear me out and get a kick out of it.
Where to I begin? Which story is the worst? Most of them are just funny messages, I could only screen shot, so I'll just post screen shots with witty side comments. Apparently last time I did that, it was quite the hit. Please note the time of day for some of these messages.
1.
... Was this actually real life? I need to meet one of the girls that actually said yes.
2.
... I should have said something like sorry, I don't wash my hair because I don't have any and I'm going through chemotherapy. Something to make him feel like the compete asshole that he is.
3.
4.
Other than the fact that he has the same name as my brother, I gotta give him points on getting creative, but really? That's all you're going to talk to me about? I just lost interest.
5. I wish I was able to post voice messages or record stuff on here. It would really make it that much more interesting. I was talking to a guy, seemed like a really sweet guy, so I gave him my number. Then he started getting stalkerish/too nice (is that possible)/just straight up bad weird and left me this voicemail after talking to him for two days:
***Before you read this, I replayed the voicemail about 10 times so it was spot on:
"Hey Courtney, this is Julian... I know that you said I think you were going away or something, but figured I would try my luck anyways because I kicked some ass today. I'm very proud of myself, I dove into my work, (he's an entrepreneur, another word for unemployed loser, 95% of the time.) I hired an amazing employee for my team. I also accomplished some of those tasks, you know, that you've putting off for a long time and procrasenating. Well, I not only did I attack them, I tore through them like a hungry animal and I wanted to reward myself with some Courtney time. Perhaps I can tempt you with some fine wine, dancing in the park, the moonlight, um no ah just wanted to say hello. Now you can finally match a voice to the face; hopefully talk soon."
... :shakes head:
... :shakes head:
The next two are people that I actually met. Those are actually the more interesting ones, ones that raised a couple questions about the society that we live in today and would just be too long for one blog.
Until then
xox C
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
When is it an appropriate time to go over to a gentleman's abode?
When is it an appropriate time to go over to a gentleman's abode? Everyone may have different opinions on this one, and you may find mine a little old fashioned, but that's just who I am, as a lady.
***DISCLAIMER - There is a story after a little introduction... ***
I was always raised in a household that if I was to get pregnant before I was married, I would thrown out and disowned; it's just how my mom was raised, she wanted to enforce that with me, and she probably wanted to scare the living shit out of me, which it actually did.
Dating when you're out of college is, of course, going to be different than dating when you're living and working in the professional world. I've had two long term relationships in the last four years, so dating has been a little different and somewhat new for me since I have only been out of college for two years. Transitioning from going to Chilli's with that guy that you made out with in the lacrosse house basement to meeting up at a local byob with a guy that you met online from Match.com are two totally different dating scieneros that come with a lot of different things.
Going in a date with said hottie from the lax house could be a lot more uncomfortable than going on a date when you're outside of college, for reasons I will begin to reveal.
While in college, when I was a freshman, I went to the infamous lacrosse house more times than I should. (we didn't have frats at my college, so sports houses were the place to be.) I remember seeing this guy, and it was seriously love at first sight. He was tall, he was handsome, he knew how to dress, he was the ideal man for me to go up and talk to based on his physical appearance and my physical demands. I noticed he was holding onto his North Face jacket awkwardly, and so I went up to him and asked if he wanted to me hold his jacket. (Good one, right?) This immediately ensued a conversation between us. I held his coat while he played beer pong and he had to come find me at the end of the night, which was great for me. At the end of the night, he got his jacket and I only got his name. I was devastated, but I was pretty shy, fresh out of high school at the time, and had absolutely no game. The week after or two weeks, I really couldn't tell you, it was my birthday and I went back to the lacrosse house in hopes to see Mr. North Face. (I promise this story has a point.) So, decked out in my slutty birthday's best, I saw Mr. North Face from a far. It was my 19th birthday, so of course I was several Keystone Light's deep. (Pennsylvania underage beer of choice) We chatted, he approved of the slutty birthday attire, I found out his name and a phone number, maybe I got a couple kisses or two. I guess I ended up being so drunk that I missed my ride, so Mr. North Face drove me home, being the southern gentleman that he was. In the midst of him driving me home, I felt the need to (what's the lady like word for puking?) barf my brains out. I ended up sticking my head out the window and gracefully puked on the side of his car and of course in my hair. At the end of all of this, he wanted to take me out to dinner. Why would he want to take me out to dinner when I just ralphed all over his Honda civic that his parents bought him for joining the military academy? And so, the next morning, he took me out to lunch for a stuffy and uncomfortable first date.
After that date, I never really had a formal "date" in college before I got into a relationship with someone. Dates in college would include going to the dining hall and having him swipe for you or going over to "watch a movie." Dates just really didn't exist in college; Why was this? Was I meeting the wrong men? Was this because no one really had means of transportation where I went to college? And so, dating was somewhat non existent for myself and my college girlfriends. (I double checked on this one to make sure I wasn't the only one missing out within my school and others.). The first date with Mr. North Face felt so stiff and uncomfortable, more so than a typical first date. Maybe it was because I was so hungover, but it just didn't have a natural and comfortable flow like dates do now a days for me. (I ended up dating Mr. North Face for nearly a year, so clearly it wasn't a chemistry issue.) So, after this date, many others, Mr. North Face and I parted ways. After this, I just ended up going to guys rooms to hang out and get to know them before dating them offically. After seeing a guy and getting into a relationship, would we go out to dinner every week or so, and that was always a huge deal, quick trips to King of Prussia Mall for a new outfit. It was just more natural and comfortable to sit on a couch and have a conversation with a guy in his room than going out to dinner at that point in my life and many other girlfriends I've spoken to agree. All of a sudden when you become a college graduate this all becomes unacceptable and "unlady like."
I say going over to a guys house on a first date is "unlady like" because it is in the real world. The message you portray to your potential suitor is that you're DTF. (DTF = down to fuck; straight up Jersey Shore verbiage here.) If you're a male or a female and disagree, I would love to know your reasoning. Why is this not right to do suddenly because you're out of college? Why do we have to get dressed up and act like adults for a first date? Perhaps this is what our society standards tell us to do, or maybe it's just our moral standards; maybe some of you don't even have moral standards. So when is it "proper" to go and watch a movie or whatever you want to call it at a guys house? Second date? After the first date goes well? A third date? I truly believe in whatever you decide, that it sends a message to your potential mate- positive or negative, you make that choice. Now here's where the story of my opinions becomes real life...
Early on, when I first joined Match, I ended up talking to a guy that knew a lot of the same people I knew; in one of his match profile pictures, he had a couple of girls that I went to high school with, and so I figured he was a normal guy. This guy, lets call him... Craig. (first short name I thought of, probably because my cousin just married a Craig the other day! Congrats again!). When I think about it, he does look like a Craig. For now on, when talking about guys I meet, I will just use names that I think they really look like. So, Craig and I talked for a couple days, he seemed like a great guy, but I wasn't too sure if I was sexually attracted to him based on his pictures; I was willing to keep an open mind because of the mutual friends that we had, which would make him a without a doubt solid guy. He was a nice guy, but he wasn't educated, yet he had a good job; still don't know if that's a dealbreaker for me... So, anyway, one night I was out with a girlfriend and he was going to the same bar as me, so we decided we would casually meet up for a drink, even though we originally planned for dinner another day. Like I said, this was early in in my Match career, so I had serious anxiety before seeing Craig that night. I actually ignored his texts and before I was going to leave the bar, I told him what I was wearing, so if he didn't find me I could have blamed it on him. He ended up finding me. He ended up running over to me, and was so sweet; he bought a drink for me and one for my girlfriend. We danced for a little bit with his friends and my friend, it was pleasant. (Notice how excited I am in my word choice.) When it was time to leave, he hugged me goodbye, kissed me on the cheek, and we said we would plan to do dinner soon. I thought that he was nice enough, so when he would have asked, I would say yes to a dinner date if he wanted to see me again. (so weird- sometimes you meet up with someone, they say let's hang out again, then I never hear from them; 9 out of 10 times, I never actually want to see them again.) So, I waited for him to text me, probably mainly because I wasn't so into him. (Side note, when I'm into a guy, I don't mess around, I don't really have shame in my game anymore at my old age.) So, Craig texted me one Saturday night, and we were going back and forth, talking about pointless things, and I said to him do you want to plan date for this coming week. He told me he was very busy, too busy to do dinner, (considering his profession, he had more than enough time, trust me.) but he said I could come over and "watch a movie." I considered the idea at first, especially since he seemed like he was a good guy, but I ended up telling him that I really wasn't comfortable with that idea since we only met at a bar for 45 minutes. I also casually included that I was on Match for a relationship, and that I wasn't looking just to hook up with someone, like most people my age. I'm just at the point and time in my life that I'd rather be brutally honest than beat around the bush. So, I told him something like hey, I'm really not that kinda girl to just come over after barely knowing you, I have brothers, I know what your intentions are. (I threw in a smilie face and an lol to make the conversation less serious.) He immediately got offended and made the conversation about himself and how he's "not that kinda guy." While explaining himself via text message (I really should have kept these messages; too bad this was weeks ago.) He said something like I'm not like everyone else you meet (yeah, we all say that, kid.) I'm a good guy (yeah, I bet you are, but you have a dick and a pulse.) and he immediately tried to make me uncomfortable for my moral decision making! Just respect my decision on saying no to coming over your house! We didn't even have a first date; after all, he promised me dinner and isn't that how things should go in the "real world?" Conflicted with my morals and society standards, we ended up legitimately getting into a screaming match over text message. He just "wasn't like that" and he "wouldn't do anything" I'm sorry dude, but you're asking me to come over and watch a movie; that's code for hooking up- In college, when my boyfriend would come over and I wanted my roommate to leave me alone, I told her I was going to watch the movie Up; I'm a chick and I even use this shitty line too. So, Craig and I never resolved our issues, and I really was just over it and didn't even want to get a free meal out of him. He just couldn't respect my lady like decision on saying no to coming over at midnight on a weekday to "watch a movie," like come on now... Am I crazy for thinking otherwise? I have brothers!
So, I didn't talk to Craig for weeks, I figured I was in the clear. Two weeks ago, he messaged me on Facebook, and said he had to do some real detective work to find me on Facebook; he didn't have my number anymore because his phone died or some other shitty explanation. He also asked me if I had his number still, and unfortunately I kept it incase it randomly called one day, and then I would know not to answer. I told him he should have just messaged me on Match, but he said he got rid of his Match account because he was going through some "personal things." He didn't even apologize for his actions from prior, and I would be kissing my own ass if I were him. And so he asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I joking said to him "maybe, as long as it's not at your place, ha." And he flipped out on me AGAIN! The dude couldn't let it up! I just couldn't answer at that point, I didn't want to deal with this dick anymore. I told him I had to go and he told me I should text him with plans to hang out in time to come; and of course, I never did.
While in California last week, I would check Facebook from time to time, and so I came across a Facebook Status a little something like this:
"Every time I get a new girlfriend, gotta buy some new suits." Checked in a Jos A. Banks.
Two things immediately came to mind that are wrong with this scienero:
1. Jos A. Banks- Really? You're 25 and need to wear a suit everyday to work, step it up to at least Hugo Boss, you make over 100k a year.
2. Girlfriend- :hits the unfriend button: (that thought really did come second)
Two of morals to the story:
1. All guys are the same. Craig, the scumbag, told me he got off Match for "personal reasons," personal reasons being you got a fucking girlfriend. My man wanted one last shot to hit it, he had nothing to lose with hitting me up, because of this other pussy in tow. I don't care how genuine you guys are, sometimes you could be, but you have a dick and a pulse; and to be honest, and you're not the only ones that are trying to get it.
2. Where you want a relationship to go begins with how you present yourself to your mate. Society "real life" standards for dating are standards in their own. While in college, these standards should not be replicated in the real world, unless you don't plan on being a lady, which isn't a path I could enlighten you about. Clearly, when Craig did not respect my decision not to come over from square one, and I should have kicked his ass to the curb. If he was a gentleman, he would have not made a such a fuss and maybe we would be talking. (Highly doubt it.) I guess just be a lady if you want the right kinda guy to holler back.
That's all for now
Xox C
***DISCLAIMER - There is a story after a little introduction... ***
I was always raised in a household that if I was to get pregnant before I was married, I would thrown out and disowned; it's just how my mom was raised, she wanted to enforce that with me, and she probably wanted to scare the living shit out of me, which it actually did.
Dating when you're out of college is, of course, going to be different than dating when you're living and working in the professional world. I've had two long term relationships in the last four years, so dating has been a little different and somewhat new for me since I have only been out of college for two years. Transitioning from going to Chilli's with that guy that you made out with in the lacrosse house basement to meeting up at a local byob with a guy that you met online from Match.com are two totally different dating scieneros that come with a lot of different things.
Going in a date with said hottie from the lax house could be a lot more uncomfortable than going on a date when you're outside of college, for reasons I will begin to reveal.
While in college, when I was a freshman, I went to the infamous lacrosse house more times than I should. (we didn't have frats at my college, so sports houses were the place to be.) I remember seeing this guy, and it was seriously love at first sight. He was tall, he was handsome, he knew how to dress, he was the ideal man for me to go up and talk to based on his physical appearance and my physical demands. I noticed he was holding onto his North Face jacket awkwardly, and so I went up to him and asked if he wanted to me hold his jacket. (Good one, right?) This immediately ensued a conversation between us. I held his coat while he played beer pong and he had to come find me at the end of the night, which was great for me. At the end of the night, he got his jacket and I only got his name. I was devastated, but I was pretty shy, fresh out of high school at the time, and had absolutely no game. The week after or two weeks, I really couldn't tell you, it was my birthday and I went back to the lacrosse house in hopes to see Mr. North Face. (I promise this story has a point.) So, decked out in my slutty birthday's best, I saw Mr. North Face from a far. It was my 19th birthday, so of course I was several Keystone Light's deep. (Pennsylvania underage beer of choice) We chatted, he approved of the slutty birthday attire, I found out his name and a phone number, maybe I got a couple kisses or two. I guess I ended up being so drunk that I missed my ride, so Mr. North Face drove me home, being the southern gentleman that he was. In the midst of him driving me home, I felt the need to (what's the lady like word for puking?) barf my brains out. I ended up sticking my head out the window and gracefully puked on the side of his car and of course in my hair. At the end of all of this, he wanted to take me out to dinner. Why would he want to take me out to dinner when I just ralphed all over his Honda civic that his parents bought him for joining the military academy? And so, the next morning, he took me out to lunch for a stuffy and uncomfortable first date.
After that date, I never really had a formal "date" in college before I got into a relationship with someone. Dates in college would include going to the dining hall and having him swipe for you or going over to "watch a movie." Dates just really didn't exist in college; Why was this? Was I meeting the wrong men? Was this because no one really had means of transportation where I went to college? And so, dating was somewhat non existent for myself and my college girlfriends. (I double checked on this one to make sure I wasn't the only one missing out within my school and others.). The first date with Mr. North Face felt so stiff and uncomfortable, more so than a typical first date. Maybe it was because I was so hungover, but it just didn't have a natural and comfortable flow like dates do now a days for me. (I ended up dating Mr. North Face for nearly a year, so clearly it wasn't a chemistry issue.) So, after this date, many others, Mr. North Face and I parted ways. After this, I just ended up going to guys rooms to hang out and get to know them before dating them offically. After seeing a guy and getting into a relationship, would we go out to dinner every week or so, and that was always a huge deal, quick trips to King of Prussia Mall for a new outfit. It was just more natural and comfortable to sit on a couch and have a conversation with a guy in his room than going out to dinner at that point in my life and many other girlfriends I've spoken to agree. All of a sudden when you become a college graduate this all becomes unacceptable and "unlady like."
I say going over to a guys house on a first date is "unlady like" because it is in the real world. The message you portray to your potential suitor is that you're DTF. (DTF = down to fuck; straight up Jersey Shore verbiage here.) If you're a male or a female and disagree, I would love to know your reasoning. Why is this not right to do suddenly because you're out of college? Why do we have to get dressed up and act like adults for a first date? Perhaps this is what our society standards tell us to do, or maybe it's just our moral standards; maybe some of you don't even have moral standards. So when is it "proper" to go and watch a movie or whatever you want to call it at a guys house? Second date? After the first date goes well? A third date? I truly believe in whatever you decide, that it sends a message to your potential mate- positive or negative, you make that choice. Now here's where the story of my opinions becomes real life...
Early on, when I first joined Match, I ended up talking to a guy that knew a lot of the same people I knew; in one of his match profile pictures, he had a couple of girls that I went to high school with, and so I figured he was a normal guy. This guy, lets call him... Craig. (first short name I thought of, probably because my cousin just married a Craig the other day! Congrats again!). When I think about it, he does look like a Craig. For now on, when talking about guys I meet, I will just use names that I think they really look like. So, Craig and I talked for a couple days, he seemed like a great guy, but I wasn't too sure if I was sexually attracted to him based on his pictures; I was willing to keep an open mind because of the mutual friends that we had, which would make him a without a doubt solid guy. He was a nice guy, but he wasn't educated, yet he had a good job; still don't know if that's a dealbreaker for me... So, anyway, one night I was out with a girlfriend and he was going to the same bar as me, so we decided we would casually meet up for a drink, even though we originally planned for dinner another day. Like I said, this was early in in my Match career, so I had serious anxiety before seeing Craig that night. I actually ignored his texts and before I was going to leave the bar, I told him what I was wearing, so if he didn't find me I could have blamed it on him. He ended up finding me. He ended up running over to me, and was so sweet; he bought a drink for me and one for my girlfriend. We danced for a little bit with his friends and my friend, it was pleasant. (Notice how excited I am in my word choice.) When it was time to leave, he hugged me goodbye, kissed me on the cheek, and we said we would plan to do dinner soon. I thought that he was nice enough, so when he would have asked, I would say yes to a dinner date if he wanted to see me again. (so weird- sometimes you meet up with someone, they say let's hang out again, then I never hear from them; 9 out of 10 times, I never actually want to see them again.) So, I waited for him to text me, probably mainly because I wasn't so into him. (Side note, when I'm into a guy, I don't mess around, I don't really have shame in my game anymore at my old age.) So, Craig texted me one Saturday night, and we were going back and forth, talking about pointless things, and I said to him do you want to plan date for this coming week. He told me he was very busy, too busy to do dinner, (considering his profession, he had more than enough time, trust me.) but he said I could come over and "watch a movie." I considered the idea at first, especially since he seemed like he was a good guy, but I ended up telling him that I really wasn't comfortable with that idea since we only met at a bar for 45 minutes. I also casually included that I was on Match for a relationship, and that I wasn't looking just to hook up with someone, like most people my age. I'm just at the point and time in my life that I'd rather be brutally honest than beat around the bush. So, I told him something like hey, I'm really not that kinda girl to just come over after barely knowing you, I have brothers, I know what your intentions are. (I threw in a smilie face and an lol to make the conversation less serious.) He immediately got offended and made the conversation about himself and how he's "not that kinda guy." While explaining himself via text message (I really should have kept these messages; too bad this was weeks ago.) He said something like I'm not like everyone else you meet (yeah, we all say that, kid.) I'm a good guy (yeah, I bet you are, but you have a dick and a pulse.) and he immediately tried to make me uncomfortable for my moral decision making! Just respect my decision on saying no to coming over your house! We didn't even have a first date; after all, he promised me dinner and isn't that how things should go in the "real world?" Conflicted with my morals and society standards, we ended up legitimately getting into a screaming match over text message. He just "wasn't like that" and he "wouldn't do anything" I'm sorry dude, but you're asking me to come over and watch a movie; that's code for hooking up- In college, when my boyfriend would come over and I wanted my roommate to leave me alone, I told her I was going to watch the movie Up; I'm a chick and I even use this shitty line too. So, Craig and I never resolved our issues, and I really was just over it and didn't even want to get a free meal out of him. He just couldn't respect my lady like decision on saying no to coming over at midnight on a weekday to "watch a movie," like come on now... Am I crazy for thinking otherwise? I have brothers!
So, I didn't talk to Craig for weeks, I figured I was in the clear. Two weeks ago, he messaged me on Facebook, and said he had to do some real detective work to find me on Facebook; he didn't have my number anymore because his phone died or some other shitty explanation. He also asked me if I had his number still, and unfortunately I kept it incase it randomly called one day, and then I would know not to answer. I told him he should have just messaged me on Match, but he said he got rid of his Match account because he was going through some "personal things." He didn't even apologize for his actions from prior, and I would be kissing my own ass if I were him. And so he asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I joking said to him "maybe, as long as it's not at your place, ha." And he flipped out on me AGAIN! The dude couldn't let it up! I just couldn't answer at that point, I didn't want to deal with this dick anymore. I told him I had to go and he told me I should text him with plans to hang out in time to come; and of course, I never did.
While in California last week, I would check Facebook from time to time, and so I came across a Facebook Status a little something like this:
"Every time I get a new girlfriend, gotta buy some new suits." Checked in a Jos A. Banks.
Two things immediately came to mind that are wrong with this scienero:
1. Jos A. Banks- Really? You're 25 and need to wear a suit everyday to work, step it up to at least Hugo Boss, you make over 100k a year.
2. Girlfriend- :hits the unfriend button: (that thought really did come second)
Two of morals to the story:
1. All guys are the same. Craig, the scumbag, told me he got off Match for "personal reasons," personal reasons being you got a fucking girlfriend. My man wanted one last shot to hit it, he had nothing to lose with hitting me up, because of this other pussy in tow. I don't care how genuine you guys are, sometimes you could be, but you have a dick and a pulse; and to be honest, and you're not the only ones that are trying to get it.
2. Where you want a relationship to go begins with how you present yourself to your mate. Society "real life" standards for dating are standards in their own. While in college, these standards should not be replicated in the real world, unless you don't plan on being a lady, which isn't a path I could enlighten you about. Clearly, when Craig did not respect my decision not to come over from square one, and I should have kicked his ass to the curb. If he was a gentleman, he would have not made a such a fuss and maybe we would be talking. (Highly doubt it.) I guess just be a lady if you want the right kinda guy to holler back.
That's all for now
Xox C
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