Gents, this is not a good idea

Before I leave you all for the Sun Shine State, please note this: buying a suit from Groupon in no way shape or form is a good idea.








... Polyester and rayon, oh my.


Xox C

Just a couple of assholes that will make you feel sane today

Happy Hump Day to you all.  It's Wednesday, it's a little slow out there, so I figured you all need a little bit of humor in your life.  Two and a half days before the weekend, you don't want to do any type of work, we all know how it goes.  (Especially me- I'm jetted off to Cali on Saturday, 4 am, black car is going to be in my driveway to NWK) 

Unfortunately, some of the best messages I've received on Match.com are long gone, but I got a couple of goodies for you to make you feel sane.  Maybe, if you're a guy, and need some new lines, you can throw some of these around and see where the conversation leads; but, you'll know that I won't respond well.  Some days when you're really feeling fucking weird, (i.e. you're on Tinder, talking to a guy for five minutes, he asks you to come over for a date on his couch, he lives with his mom, lives in a really sketchy area, you haven't gotten any in a while, he looks cute, and you really just wanna say fuck it... [not me, my friend just did that last night;  I should post her story, I guess she's a little more open minded, ha])  you just got to look around you and realize there's a lot more crazy people out there than you think...


Dear Trevor,

I love when people message me without pictures.  I actually wrote don't even bother to message me if you don't have a picture in your profile; thanks for being a gentleman and actually reading my profile. (Sarcasm) You could be my cousin, you could be a stalker that follows me around in the mall, you could be my future husband (come on now) who knows!  Plus, you'll pay, Jesus what a gentleman, count me in for sure, bro.  I wonder how tall you are... I can't wait to be enemies...



Dear Trenton Boy,

Do you need a napkin?  That line is really going to make me fall in love.



Dear guy who knows Kirsten (class act who I lived with for two years),

You messaged me a novel beforehand, I didn't answer, then after three days you message me this, you think that I will actually answer?  THEN! I don't answer that and you message me "BOO!" Yeah, I'm really going to answer a grown man when he says boo, just so scared, please come over and cuddle with me...


Dear Dominicano,

You stole my heart, please be my man with your lovely usage of "their."  Did you go to high school?



Dear Mr. Rockaway,

I'm actually insanely boring and like to do absolutely nothing.  You have a great way with words though, let's meet up and do some fun hobby stuff.



Dear Mr. I just moved to Philly,

I appreciate the kindness in your genuinely written note, but people pay me for my fashion advice.  I don't even know you, you never took me to dinner, so ya ain't getting free advice from someone who works for the best; sorry.  FYI- Keep shopping at Walmart, because clearly the pictures in your clothes are not even those brands that you listed.

 

Dear some fucking bum,

 

I really hate logo tee shirts; you're 30 years old, really you shouldn't be wearing them, and of course the gym is understandable.  If you don't go to the gym and look like a hot mess after, you're not doing it right.  By the way, men should be wearing red pants and pocket squares.  That's probably why you're not meeting the classiest of girls.  You made me so mad I couldn't answer (I legitimately could not answer him)... UH I DRESS UP BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BUM, JUST LIKE YOU! :) good day, sir.

 

Dr. Mr. Please talk to me & I make millions,

I don't even know where to begin with this message. Quick background behind the story- Said guy sent me this message and two weeks later he sent me THE SAME MESSAGE. (enclosed below)

So, I was angry; I'm allowed to be angry.  That dude is messaging everyone on Match the same generic message, seriously!  (Little did I know that my cousin got the same exact message) The name of the game is you message me, ask little q&a about me, and try to woo me. Clearly I'm not wooed by your millions, I can date my clients if I really want a sugar daddy.  Anyways, I messaged him back with something like this because I was probably PMSing:

Hi,

I don't want your millions, I want someone who can write a well written message.  You sent me this message not once, but twice, please don't contact me again.  Good luck on Match.

He says something like this back: (Please note the paragraph form, delightfully sophisticated once again)

Hi
You are harassing me. I make millions it is an accomplishment. why are you mad?
Please talk to me.
Can we have a good conversation now?
Are you okay now?

... I roll my eyes and click delete.


Last one for today, this one clearly takes the cake, and he will tell you jokes better than I'll ever be able to tell.  Just read...
Dear Mr. Jokester,

You started off right and very charming.  Then you ended with terrible, terrible jokes.  Nice try, pal. 



xox C

Guys who send nudes to girls they just met an hour ago are indeed manwhores.

Hello, hello and happy Monday to you all.  I've gotten such great reviews from friends and friends of friends about my blog in the last couple of days, very happy about it; especially the last blog with the guy I almost went on a date with, shoe guy.  I do have another excellent story, so I really feel the need to post this so you all get my sense of humor.  I'm a lady who loves her sarcasm.  Just think by hearing this story, it will make you understand what I'm trying to say a little bit more in works to come in my blog.

This is another Match.com horror story, but a little but more humorous and a lot more sass on my part.  Like I said prior, sometimes ladies are allowed to get bitchy in particular situations.

I started talking to a guy for couple days via Match Messaging.  The conversation was going well, he asked me to dinner, I agreed, gave him my number.  Let's call him Eric; he actually kinda looked like an Eric in his pictures.  (Just you wait)  The first text Eric sends me goes a  little like this... (Expect, I will not post bad grammar on his behalf.)

Eric: So I re-read your Match.com profile are you're really judgmental. 
Me: Why's that, I'm simply just stating what I want in a guy, that's kinda the point for the "about me" section.
Eric:  I don't know why you won't date someone that's not over 5'9.
Me: Uh, it's a comfort thing?  I want to be comfortable, is that too much to ask?
Eric:  I'm a great guy and you're just judging the shit out of me right now.
Me:  How tall are you?
Eric: About 5'9
Me: Okay, well, the same height is fine, I can do that, I just honestly like taller.
Eric: You're still judging the shit out of me.
Me: Can you stop it already?


Maybe I should have picked up on this red light a little earlier...

Kept talking to Eric, just about little things, assumed (there was my second mistake) he was normal, and I figured I should give him a shot, maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.  Not even an hour into our conversation it starts getting a little weird.  Eric texts me "I hope this makes your day."  Enclosed is this:




...For real dude?  (Side note- horrible wallpaper, seriously?) I didn't even ask for this, I don't know why you would send me this.  Even though I would love to post his asshole face, I have refrained for his sake.  To prove he was a true asshole, the rest of this blog will be continued via screen shots.

Please note that after he send me the picture, I did not respond for a couple of days.  Made it REAL awkward for him. ;)































I told you not to piss me off...


xox C

Should men indulge in womenswear from time to time?

Should men indulge in womenswear from time to time?  Boy, do I got a story for you...

I figured if I wanted to make this blog interesting and my own, I would have to add some sort of personalization to it.  So, as said per last blog entry, I probably will throw in some online dating stories from time to time.  I'm currently on Match.com (no shame in my game) and it's really been quite interesting.  My oldest brother met his current girlfriend and hopefully, one day, soon to be wife.  Excellent lady, great family, fun personality, and overall great head on her shoulders.  After meeting her and being single for a couple of months, I figured I should try online dating.  After college, it's truly hard to meet people.  Unfortunately, there is still some social stigma behind online dating, especially at my age, but honestly I don't give a shit.  I've truly met some interesting gentleman thus far.

Speaking of interesting...

Before I begin, quickly think about what your deal breakers are in a relationship.  What are they?  What are your lines and boundaries that you just won't do in a significant other?  I know mine, but I am still 24, I am still learning who I am every single day.  Regardless of the fact that I really can be a grandma, I have had a lot of life changing experiences than your typical 24 year old, I am still figuring my own life out.

So, here it goes...

SIDE NOTE: Obviously this blog is not to make fun of the gentleman that I met, because he was overall a nice person, but it's more to really get you to think what your deal breakers are and why we have them as individuals.  Not to mention, it is a funny story and it shows that you really never know, that there are some interesting (or whatever you wanna call it) guys and gals out there.

Alright, here it goes for real...

Picture this- Nice guy, late 20's, good looking, great job, graphic designer, charming, family guy, wants to get married- cool just what I'm looking for.  Talked to John (fake name- although, I don't even know his last name...) for about a week before he asked to take me out to dinner, I said sure, he seemed like he had his life together, unlike other guys I've met in the past.  Gave him my number, he texted me shortly after.  All's good in the world, we are setting up our date in the next couple days, and we began to just talk about little things.  John noticed that I was 5'9, and the dialogue started like this:

John:  Are you really 5'9 or are you 5'9 in high heels?
Me: Uh, why would I lie about that, of course I'm 5'9.
John:  Is that an issue?
Me:  Not really, I'll just wear flat shoes, it's fine.
John: Are you sure?  I can wear heels.
Me: Hah
John: Hahahahaha yeah
John: Hahahah jk
John: ...but not really

(insert really fucking freaked out face here)

John proceeded to tell me that he would wear women's heels from time to time.  He said wasn't a big deal, brushed it off, and kept asking me questions about my life.  I couldn't handle it, I had to know more.  I told him I had to know what exactly he meant by that, but he told me he had to go, prior engagement of some sort.  I left me hanging for several hours...

Time passed on, I really was unsure on what to do.  I started over-thinking.  (womanly flaw) I'm very active in the mental health and wellness community because I lost my father when I just turned 19.  I ran a mental health club for years in college, I've taken psychology courses, this is something I just didn't know where to even start.  I didn't want to be mean, I couldn't; what if he freaked out and threatened to kill himself?  What if... I don't even know!  I just felt like at that point in time, I was stuck going on a date with a guy that wore high heels, but who knows to what extent this fettish, or whatever is it, went.

He appeared back in the middle of the night, drunk, so it was easy for him to text me with blunt honesty.  Here's how it went:

John: Sooooooo, are you still there? LOL
Me: Yeah, uh, what's going on?
John: Yeah, I like women's heels, I own some pairs, what size are you?
Me: Uh, 10.
John: Good, we can share!!!!!! :D
Me: Uh, I don't know about this...
John: Why? What's wrong?

(Seriously dude?)

Me: I think I need to know what extent you're talking about before we go out.
John: Please, let's go out, I really like you.
Me: So do you dress in drag or something?
John: No, not really.
Me: Do you wear makeup?
John: Yeah, omg it's hard to put on!
Me: Do you wear girls clothes in public?
John: Not really, sometimes I'll wear skinny jeans a cute top.
Me: What do you mean by a cute top?
John: You know, a cute top :)
Me: I don't know about this.
John: Please,  I really want to meet you and take you out.
Me: I'm looking for a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.  No offense.
John:  Okay.............
Me:  I don't think you'll ever change for me.
John:  It's not a matter of me changing, it's a matter of finding someone that accepts me for me.


So, I never went on the date with John.  (I know you were all thinking that...) Are there girls out there who would accept that?  Am I just weird?  Is he just weird?  Is this normal?  What is normal?  What are your deal breakers?  Is there hope for the human race?  Will I ever find a normal guy again?


xox C

What's a "mensinsta?"  That's probably the first thing that you want to know before you read some random girls blog.  Mensinsta is a term I legitimately just made up, yup, this very second.  It's simply a combination of menswear + fashionista = mensinta.  Like it?  Constructive criticism is always very much appreciated. 

Picture this: Me, 24/S/F/NJ (do people still do that now-a-days?  Little nostalgia for ya...)  Sitting at my bedroom desk, elegantly covered my monogrammed terry cloth robe, hair still dripping clean of grapefruit smelling Fredric Fekkai color stay shampoo to keep my new ginger look looking fresh, stinking of Laura Mercier "Fresh Fig," yet smelling like a glamazon about to hit the red carpet, brainstorming a name for a menswear blog I promised to write about six months ago.  Great picture, right?  Menswear you ask, by why?  Does this bitch have any type of credibility?  Why would a girl want to write a menswear blog?  Well, because I'm a fucking menswear expert, duhhhhh.

I promised you I was a lady, so ladies can't exactly cuss; well, unless it's to a guy that's being a total jerk, (Perhaps an excellent story later?) so I'll try to keep this as PG (but not really, because what's the fun in that?) as much as possible.  So here's a little bit of a timeline to show my credibility as a "mensinsta:"

At the age of 18, I started working in menswear at Nordstrom, King of Prussia.  I worked under the highest seller in the company and achieved extreme professionalism and credibility with menswear brands such as:  Hugo Boss, Canali, Ermenegildo Zegna, Joseph Abboud, Hickey Freedman, Robert Graham, John Varatos, etc. etc.  I immediately fell in love, I couldn't handle the possibility that sizes for men actually made sense.  I.E.  if your waist measures 34 inches, your pant size is a 34! WOAH, SLOW DOWN HERE...  Why is it so complicated for women?  Why would women make sizes such as 0 (seriously, why/how does that even exist?) and size 3?  But no, sometimes sizes only come in even numbers in certain brands and not odd; and why does premium denim come in NORMAL sizes like a size 29, just as men have?  Seriously, whoever invented sizes for women, totally needs a bitchslap by yours truly.  So life goes on, I perform some serious makeovers on ex-boyfriends (Ask anyone- I'm like a fairy Godmother to some helpless souls I've dated out there and they all have thanked me for opening their eyes to the exciting world of fashion.) and then I graduate college.  I graduate college with an English, Secondary Education degree.  (I will admit, sometimes I'm too lazy to proofread.) I have the world all around me, and I chose to go into retail.  Who does that?  Seriously?  Someone who wants to purse their passions instead of paying their student loans.  (Currently I'm paying 1/4 of my monthly income to my loans- seriously? When is college going to get any cheaper for future generations?  Perhaps my next blog rant?)  So, I decided to keep my gig at Nordstrom, selling suiting, until my dream came true...

THE Italian luxury menswear brand opened up nearby.  (When I quit/they fire me, I'll post what this brand is, better safe than sorry.)  It was like heaven on Earth- the most elegant menswear brand on the planet working in my mall. I rocked my interview (or so I think-I didn't think so at the time) and they offered me a job.  Took said job, and here I am now, one year and ten months later still at the same luxury boutique.

So, over the last couple of months, I've found it necessary to want to write a blog to help all the good guys out there to learn how to dress.  Who knows how many people will actually read this, but I'll say that I'll aspire to have Jezbel (Excellent women's fashion, sex, celeb site-check it OR the brother site- Gawker) type of writing meshed with the concept of the style guy from GQ.  I.E. you ask me questions, I'll answer eloquently, but from a ladies perspective; because after all, aren't most of you guys (except all my awesome gay pals out there) dressing for us ladies?  So why would you want a guys opinion anyways?  (If you do, please enlighten me) Here I am, classy young lady at your service.  From time to time, I'll throw in a couple of silly dating stories because being a single lady in Northern New Jersey, involved in online dating, has been quite the experience thus far.

Feel free to post comments, I'll answer.  If I don't get too many comments/emails I might just have to start with the basics.  Like what tie goes with a white shirt and blue suit; it still boggles my mind that people don't know that, but that's why I'm here, to help you all out one blog at time.


Love Always,
xox CB