Why do people disappear in relationships?

This is a blog, this is supposed to be a personal thing, so I'm going to make it very personal after this entry.  I don't feel extremely comfortable writing about this, giving everyone extreme insight of my personal life, but in all actuality that's what a blog is for.  I've already told you other stories about my life, might as well write about this one.

Have you ever been talking to someone and they just disappeared?  Stopped answering your calls, texts, emails, morris code, whatever you use for means of communication?  Why does that happen?  Why are people that rude and mean?  What did you ever do to them?  What went wrong? Questions such as that swirl around my mind as the same thing just happened to me.

Regardless of the fact that I want to admit it or not, my so called "perfect boyfriend" wasn't perfect after all regardless of the great dates that we had when we were together.  The first weeks growing up to the relationship were, but after that, things took a evil turn for unanswered reasons.  We decided to make it monogamous, and things really just ended after that.  I could never have never seen this coming, but something just happened and I still have so many questions unanswered.

But why was it after we made it official that things got weird?  He got a promotion and I never heard from him again, really only once a week.  I made two surprise stops to him at work and he promised everything was okay, just things were busy at work.  Things aren't okay when you hear from your "significant other" once a week for three weeks and Facebook lets you know that every other five minutes he's liking shit on Facebook and Instagram.  I cut him slack when he told me things were going on in his family, but after three weeks you can't even throw me a bone here and tell me anything?  There were so many other personal aspects of his life that I knew, that this situation seemed so small and I was speechless that he couldn't tell me anything; maybe if he told me something I would be willing to wait.  I'm an extremely compassionate person, and family is everything to me, so I understood in the beginning.  I would always bring him small gifts when I visited, always unappreciated and never thanked, and that's probably when I should have got the hint.  Then it just hit me one day; I can't waste a solid month in my 20's on someone that doesn't want to waste their time with me, I can't wait for someone if they can't even give me some kind of explanation.  Things were great in the beginning, but why all of a sudden did things take a turn?  It's just unacceptable and time is so precious that it shouldn't be wasted.  Things shouldn't be wrong in the first couple months of a relationship, this was when you were supposed to be in a honeymoon phase, where you just wanted to rip each others clothes off everyday.  So why was this happening to me?  I never did anything wrong, and I know that for a fact.

So, I called him on Sunday, before that the last thing I heard from him was last Wednesday saying he would call me when he could, he was just busy at work.  I told him Sunday on his voicemail  (since that's the only way I could ever speak to him) that this isn't a relationship and that he needs to call me back for this to be fixed or ended.  I never got a call back.

So why did he feel it necessary to waste three weeks of my time telling me that we were okay when we clearly weren't?  Was it really work?  Was it another girl?  Was it really family?  What's the point to just dangle me along?  Just end things and let me move on, be a man, sometimes things just don't work out, I understand.  I tried to be patient, then I realized I was just being a fool.  Why do people do this?  Is it lack of courage?  Lack of self confidence?  Not wanting to hurt someone?  What is it?  Why do people just disappear into thin air?  What happened?  All I did was good towards you, as a woman I've evaluated every aspect and every conversation and I know I'm right.  (That's not just the stubborn Taurus in me.)  I even bought books to learn Polish for him since that was his primary language; I know I'm a good person.

Moral to this story and relationship, don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want to waste their time on you.  He could have texted me while taking his morning shit, could have texted me instead of liking stupid memes on Facebook, he clearly always saw my texts and could have sent me a text at some point in the day.  I should know this by now, numerous boyfriends of my past, but I still get lost in a cloud of love whenever I meet someone I'm head over heels for.  I make excuses for them, and that's just unacceptable; at least I didn't let it go on that long like I have in the past, can't be such a pessimist.  Clear your head of this infatuation, and always be aware of the signs around you.  Ignorance isn't always bliss.  Really just be aware of the people in your life that actually do care and notice you.  Those people are those that you should be wasting your time with; thanks M xox.

xox C

What do you do with a bad kisser?

Hello, hello, we meet again.  It's been a while, and I've been pretty darn busy, but I'm currently unemployed and waiting for a start date on my new job.  I don't want to jinx anything, but when I can, I will surely and happily announce to the world what my new life path entails.

On to bigger and better things, a new thought that has crossed my mind that's worthy to blog about- bad kissers.  What do you do with them?  Kick em' to the curb?  Teach them how to kiss the way you like it?  Is there a bad/wrong way to kiss?  Yeah, there sure as hell is.

Back in the day, during my Match days, I was casual dating a guy that was a bad kisser.  I didn't like him enough to consider him to be baby daddy material, but he was nice to be around with for the time being.  I really just couldn't break it off with him because he was a bad kisser; but now that I think about it, couldn't I?  I mean a strong relationship to me is a combination of friendship, respect, and sexual attraction.  I had that with him, but since he was so bad at kissing, I just couldn't do it or think about wanting to move it to the next level.  He was so nice that I kept saying yes to next dates, and the bad kissing part was the only reason why I wanted to say no.  It was like kissing a dead fish; his tongue just sat in my mouth cold and wet and I didn't know what to do with it.  He just didn't move, didn't use any hands, no passion at all.  I would start to avoid any type of contact with him and always met in public places and dreaded the end of the night where he walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight or drove me home and kissed me goodnight.  Maybe we just had no sexual chemistry even though I found him attractive, but you can't exactly tell someone that, or can you?  Is that offensive?  It takes me back to the movie 27 Dresses, (Long story short- girl loves her boss, her boss falls for her sister, it doesn't work out with sister, so she tells the boss she likes him, they kiss and they don't feel any "magic.") so when you don't feel "magic" with someone, I guess you can tell them?  How is that magic supposed to feel?  A little tingle in your heart?  A little tingle in your lady parts?  Maybe?  Maybe I thought things would change, maybe I thought could change them, but when I really get down to thinking and writing, it is what it is.  You can't force things that aren't meant to be.  I knew from square one that it wasn't right, but why did I keep pursing it?  To fill up my time?  To try and make it work because I knew how nice he was and it's so hard to find a nice guy now-a-days?  Whatever the reason was, now I know that you really need to realize that what you see is what you get, and if something bothers you that much, then it's a deal breaker and you end things.  I guess you got to experience life and people to really realize what's good and not good for you.

I once had a friend that a lot of my guy friends made out with, and they always said she was a bad kisser- dead fish kinda deal.  Each and every guy said the same thing to me and pulled me aside and asked me to show her how to kiss.  Never did, I never confronted her, I didn't know how I would do it.  Now, she's in a steady relationship with a guy that can deal with her bad habits.  Maybe he didn't think being a bad kisser was that big of a deal.  Who knows, I can never ask, but maybe he doesn't think she's a bad kisser, maybe he taught her, maybe I have to ask him... Maybe I'll just keep that scenario to my imagination.

Life is about experiencing new things each and everyday.  You can't shelter yourself, you just got to go out and do you.  Even though he was a nice guy, being a bad kisser really was what I couldn't deal with.  I couldn't think about having to deal with how horrible it would be if the kisses goodnight were bad.  (I mean, hey, it's the truth)  So, you got to find someone with flaws that you can accept, ones that aren't going to bother you each and everyday; just takes a lot of dates, timing, and patience to find someone with those qualities.  Good luck to me and all of you out there ;)

That's it for now.
xox C